John and the cap gun.

If you buy a cap gun, or any kind of toy gun, it will probably have a bright orange plug stuck in the tip of the barrel. The manufacturers put those there so that they're easily identified as toys; they are there so nobody sees a kid holding a toy gun and shoots them with a real gun. When I first got my license, my friends and I would drive around with a cap gun, pulling drive-bys on kids, usually ones we knew. Our cap gun was fairly realistic looking, and we had popped the little orange plug out of the tip, but I'm fairly confident that nobody we shot with it ever thought the gun was real. Our intent wasn't to seriously terrorize people, and only one person ever reacted like they thought the gun was real.

As teenagers tend to do, we were driving to the mall for absolutely no good reason. We had nothing to buy, no real money to spend, and we never got chicks when we went. Still, it was a destination, and that's really the only important thing when you first start driving. When we had almost reached our destination, a car quickly veered in front of me directly before a stop light. I stomped the brakes, coming to an abrupt stop behind the guy who had cut me off, who was now waiting at the head of the line for the light to turn green.

"Motherfucker!" I said.

John, who was in the passenger seat, leaned as far as he could out the window and began firing the cap gun at the guy in front of us. He had unloaded the clip (or ring of caps, as it were) before the rest of us could even react.

A lady in the car next to us on John's side saw what he was doing and freaked out. She floored her accelerator and took off into the intersection, nearly smashing into another car before turning and speeding away.

"John!" I shouted, "What the fuck, man?"

"Yeah," said one of the guys in the back seat, "you can't do shit like that."

"I'm sorry," John said, "I wasn't thinking."

The guy in front us didn't react at all. When the light turned green, we went on our way.


Lew said...

Man I wish I was there. It reminds me of the time pasta was changing his shirt in traffic, ran a red light and two cars smashed into eachother trying to avoid him.

Doug said...

haha I don't know if lew's comment is real but damn is that funny and I too wish I had been there for that one. It puts a smile on my face. I suppose that's not very funny from that old lady's perspective. I guess the important thing is she didn't get hurt and nobody else did either.

Lew said...

Quit trying to sound so mature and reasonable. Also, my story was true, according to pasta anyway.

Doug said...

oops ill do bttr i h8 sundin stupit cuz i aint no foo jus send yo kizzes and hugz to al muh thugz beotch

paulo said...

Awesome, an illiterate comment! I feel like this is MySpace now. I'm on my way to the top, baby!

Jake Roberts said...
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